It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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