Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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