is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
