yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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