you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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