She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
