Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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