I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
