I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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