Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How's work?
Spinning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
