the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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