He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
