if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
