pop tarts are not kleenex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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