Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
