you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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