Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
that's an acceptable place to lick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
