i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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