I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
