She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
