I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
