Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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