i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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