The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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