i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
