She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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