Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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