haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
