I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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