Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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