I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
