I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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