I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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