Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my poor anus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
