I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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