I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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