I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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