Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
