I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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