I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
