Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
