Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
