I heard we made out
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
