Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
