News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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