Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
