i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
