At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
