Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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