i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
