i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pants are for mortals
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