it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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