just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We got so high we made milksteak
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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