Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
