So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
