I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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