Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
