i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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