I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
