i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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