And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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