This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
