so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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