I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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