he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
